Sunday, January 29, 2006

I've been gone

My seperation from those I hold so high in my heart is an unfortunate casualty of the battle within. An inner revolution set forth so long ago that it has become quite abysmal for me to deviate. Even in elementary school I was shamefully aware of the preternatural thought processes I had developed. I created different psychological games to help myself unlearn that negative behavior. The methods I've been practicing for the past 15 years have proven effective for me. All that I've accomplished, realized and continue to seek could not have been attained without intense personal reflect. The pseudo monk hood lasted about a year or so and though most may find such a great length of time devoted to oneself as an obscenely narcissistic endeavor. What I gained from that time has amounted to one of the greatest feelings I've ever experienced. All that I thought I once knew I now understand. I don't hesitate to say that 2005 was one of the greatest years of my life thus far. There is so much I have rediscovered within and without. So much in this world to suspend me in awe that I cannot be who I am not. I believe in everything and nothing and cherish my ambivalence. Despite all the judgements you have and will displace upon me I will not falter, I will be here. I will not judge you, I will be there. Maybe it is nothing more than a tumor grown too large and too deep that has consumed my will to live a life familiar. I believe in faith in humanity. Am I naive to believe that I can save the world one person at a time by letting you see yourself through my eyes? If fear can make anyone capable of the most inhumane acts then I have no choice.
No material item can give you what faith, love and awareness can. Believe in yourself and give someone else a better tomorrow.

See beyond yourself

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