My New Wonder

My boyfriend and I recently rented Meet the Robinsons from one of those DVDPlay kiosks at the market. Ever since I saw Monster House and Ice Age on dvd I've been trying to see as many animated films as I can. As with anything there has been the good, the bad and the weird (Happy Feet...what?!) so I didn't have any high expectations...especially after Chicken Little and Happy Feet...but I have to say it blew me away. I absolutely loved it. It had all the makings of a great animated film; humor, moral message, comical yet lovable characters, a catch phrase or two and of course a few heart warming moments. I laughed...a lot and cried a little. When it was over I felt all in all it was a good experience...and then it got grand. A signature nuance of Disney's animated films is a masterfully composed soundtrack featuring the musical styling of a noted Billboard chart-topping artist. Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston in The Prince of Egypt, Elton John in Lion King, Toy Story and The Road to El Dorado, Christina Aguilera in Mulan - my personal favorite, to name a few. Meet the Robinsons was no exception, with the Jonas Brothers and the talented Rob Thomas. As much as I enjoyed this flick what put it over the top for me was the music video for "Little Wonders" by Rob Thomas. Beautifully composed, lyrically and musically. For some reason the way they stylize videos for animated movies comes off cheesy and childish, but I fell in love with it. In fact I got a little more emotional watching the video than I did from the movie. That's probably why I watched it about 3 or 4 times before we returned the dvd. And since it's been replaying on my Youtube favorites.

Rob Thomas Little Wonders Lyrics

Herman Hesse born July 2, 1877

“There's no reality except the one contained within us. That's why so many people live an unreal life. They take images outside them for reality and never allow the world within them to assert itself.” - Herman Hesse

Education begins at home

You know I’m so sick and tired of people blaming the school system for their children not being up to par with “global” standards. I attended public school and had excellent teachers, one of which one was awarded teacher of the year by Disney. My boyfriend and his younger siblings all attended the most prestiges private schools in my area and let’s just say you only need money to get a degree. So yes there are bad teachers out there but education begins at home. Parents don’t spend enough quality time with their children in their early years. If you’re children attend daycare make sure it has an educational program. If someone is babysitting your child ensure they are being read to. I’m 26 and I started tutoring kindergarten children at 12 as well as had a summer job babysitting my one year old cousin. Every day I fed her breakfast in her highchair in front of the TV with The Little Mermaid video and captions to read along. You are their most influential educator. Don’t be intimidated by fear that you’re not as educated as you would like. Be there for them and seek help if you need it. There are free services everywhere…Early Educational Development Centers often accept govt aid for those who can’t afford it. Libraries are free and offer an abundance of resources.

Are you giving it a 110%

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:

What Makes 100%?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K is

8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E is

11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E is

1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T is

2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G is

1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.

From Heaven to Hell...

From Heaven to Hell

Classicks....

I feel like an old lady when I reminisce about the hip hop that I grew up with...it was the music of my voice...of the world I felt familiar with. The hip hop the world knew had no voice...and I worried that my little brother would not get to experience the music of our generation...the movement of our generation. But somehow it made its way into his world in its own voice. Peep his friend Mike voicing his own movement.

US PASSPORT TRACKING DEVICE

All passports issued by the US State Department after January 1 will have always-on radio frequency identification chips, making it easy for officials – and hackers – to grab your personal stats. Getting paranoid about strangers slurping up your identity? Here's what you can do about it. But be careful – tampering with a passport is punishable by 25 years in prison. Not to mention the "special" customs search, with rubber gloves. Bon voyage!

1) RFID-tagged passports have a distinctive logo on the front cover; the chip is embedded in the back.

2) Sorry, "accidentally" leaving your passport in the jeans you just put in the washer won't work. You're more likely to ruin the passport itself than the chip.

3) Forget about nuking it in the microwave – the chip could burst into flames, leaving telltale scorch marks. Besides, have you ever smelled burnt passport?

4) The best approach? Hammer time. Hitting the chip with a blunt, hard object should disable it. A nonworking RFID doesn't invalidate the passport, so you can still use it.

– Jenna Wortham

www.wired.com

Just a side note...for those of you who don't and those who do...I'm a big Ryan Gosling fan....well...I just saw Stay...and I definitely recommend it...

Currently watching : Stay Release date: By 28 March, 2006

How to reduce firefox memory usage

For most users, Firefox doesn't use an abnormally large amount of memory. For others, however, Firefox's memory consumption is a major problem. Typical Firefox memory usage reported by Windows is around 50-100 MB, with virtual memory usage at 100-150 MB. These numbers will vary because Firefox is configured by default to use more memory on systems that have more memory available and less on systems with less.

1. System Extensions

WindowBlinds can dramatically increase memory use. To continue using WindowBlinds and Firefox without memory issues, add Firefox to WindowBlind's exclusion list.

2. Download History

Firefox can slow down or hang if the download history is allowed to accumulate. Clear the download history (you may need to exit Firefox and delete the file "downloads.rdf" from the profile folder in some cases) and change this setting to solve the problem:

Tools -> Options -> Privacy and uncheck "Remember what I've downloaded"



3. Restarting Firefox

If you find that Firefox's memory usage continues to grow after long periods of being open, you may want to consider periodically restarting Firefox to bring the memory usage back to reasonable levels. The Session Manager extension allows you to close Firefox while maintaining the pages you have open.

4. Firefox Memory Cache

By default, Firefox does not use a fixed size memory cache - it uses a percentage of system memory. Setting a fixed size memory cache can often reduce memory usage - 4 or 8MB is sufficient in most instances.

a. In your Firefox address bar, enter the following text: about:config



b. Scroll down to the entry titled browser.cache.memory.enable and make sure the Value is set to true. If it’s not, double-click anywhere in the browser.cache.memory.enable line and the status will change to True



c. Right-click (Apple users ctrl-click) anywhere in the about:config window and select New and then Integer from the pop-up menu



d. Enter browser.cache.memory.capacity in the New integer value pop-up box



e. You’ll need to enter a number in the Enter integer value, but that number depends on how much memory you have (specifically, how much you want to "give" Firefox). If you have 256MB or less RAM, enter 4096 as the value. If you have 512MB of RAM, enter 6144 or 8192. If you have 128MB or less RAM, you may want to consider upgrading - memory is getting very inexpensive.

f. Confirm that the new entry has been created and the integer value is correct

g. If for any reason you wish to restore the default settings, change the browser.cache.memory.capacity integer value to -1 (that’s minus one).

5. Memory Usage Upon Minimize

This is how to reduce the memory usage when you minimize your Firefox.

a. Type about:config in Firefox address bar and press Enter



b. Right click in the page and select New > Boolean



c. Type config.trim_on_minimize in the box that pops up. Press Enter



d. Select True and then press Enter

e. Restart Firefox.

What it will do is, when each time you minimize your Firefox, the memory usage will dramatically drop down to 10Mb but then it will slowly increase up to 50Mb. When you maximize it back, it will stay on 50Mb or maybe 70Mb.

6. Plugins

Plugins can cause Firefox to use more memory when they're used. They may not even release the memory they took until Firefox is closed. It's a good idea to make sure you're using the most recent version of every plugin.

Disable PDF Browser Plugin For Firefox
Speed Up PDF Display
Stop PDF's From Freezing Firefox
Shockwave memory usage
Flash memory usage

How to use MSCONFIG

This tool modifies which programs run at startup, edits certain configuration files, and simplified controls over Windows services. Files that can be edited through MSCONFIG include AUTOEXEC.BAT, CONFIG.SYS, WIN.INI, SYSTEM.INI on Windows 9x systems, and BOOT.INI on Windows NT systems. The chief benefit to using MSCONFIG to edit these files is that it provides a simplified GUI to indirectly manipulate the sections of those files and the Windows registry tree pertaining to the Windows boot sequence. The most recent version of MSCONFIG, released with Windows Vista, features a greatly simplified user interface and increased support for managing services.

Here is how to use MSCONFIG to disable some of the unnecessary programs that automatically load on start-up.

1. Go to Start -> Run...



2. Type msconfig and then click the OK button.



3. Look for the Startup tab and click it. This will reveal a list with all the programs that are loading at boot.



5. From here you can disable any service that you do not want to be started when you turn on the computer. If you aren't sure what a service does the best thing to do is to leave it on.
6. When done, click the OK button.

8. Click on Restart when prompted and your computer will automatically reboot.

For all my girls that keep finding themselves in the wrong arms...

1:24 AM -
Current mood: ambivalent
Category: ambivalent Romance and Relationships

I found this who knows where but I though it was worth sharing...Lucky for me...I love good guys...too bad for them I'm a maneater! [but since i found my bear i'm a bear snuggler (shhh don't tell i got a rep to protect)]

Kiki Anniston Reveals: "The "Secret Reason" Why Women Are Attracted To Jerks, Players and Just Plain Dangerously Wrong Guys."

An open letter to single women frustrated with dating the wrong guys...

Hey Girlfriend,

Can I ask you something personal?

Be honest...

Have you ever dated the type of guy that left you constantly waiting by the phone with an uneasy sick feeling in the pit of your stomach?

Or a guy who made you feel bad about yourself, but for some reason you couldn't leave him? (Of course, that same guy, at times, also made you feel like you were the only person on this planet - you know, that "hot-cold" type).

And have you ever walked into a club and found yourself so attracted to one particular guy, you felt like you were in a trance and literally couldn't stop making eyes with him?

If you answered yes to any of the above, it may be a sign that you're susceptible to a certain "dangerous personality type" that psychiatrists have a SCARY sounding name for, which I'll tell you about in a sec...

...But first, I want you to quickly read through the following list of personality traits and jot down the ones that apply to either the guy you're dating now or guys you've typically dated in the past:

PERSONALITY TRAITS: 1. SUPERFICIAL CHARM -- the tendency to be smooth, engaging, charming, and slick. Not in the least shy, self-conscious, or afraid to say anything. He never gets tongue-tied and has freed himself from the social conventions about taking turns in talking, for example. 2. GRANDIOSE SELF-WORTH -- a grossly inflated view of one's abilities and self-worth, self-assured, opinionated, cocky, a braggart. An arrogant guy who believes he is a superior human being. 3. NEED FOR STIMULATION (PRONENESS TO BOREDOM) -- an excessive need for novel, thrilling, and exciting stimulation; taking chances and doing things that are risky. Often has low self-discipline in carrying tasks through to completion because he gets bored easily. 4. PATHOLOGICAL LYING -- can be moderate or high; in moderate form, and will be shrewd, crafty, cunning, sly, and clever (in extreme form, he will be deceptive, deceitful, underhanded, unscrupulous, manipulative, and dishonest). 5. CONNING AND MANIPULATIVENESS -- the use of deceit and deception to cheat, con, or defraud others for personal gain; distinguished from Item #4 in the degree to which exploitation and callous ruthlessness is present, as reflected in a lack of concern for the feelings and suffering of one's victims. 6. LACK OF REMORSE OR GUILT -- a lack of feelings or concern for the losses, pain, and suffering of victims; a tendency to be unconcerned, dispassionate, coldhearted, and unempathic. This item is usually demonstrated by a disdain for one's victims. 7. SHALLOW AFFECT -- emotional poverty or a limited range or depth of feelings; interpersonal coldness in spite of signs of open gregariousness. 8. CALLOUSNESS and LACK OF EMPATHY -- a lack of feelings toward people in general; cold, contemptuous, inconsiderate, and tactless. 9. PARASITIC LIFESTYLE -- an intentional, manipulative, selfish, and exploitative financial dependence on others as reflected in a lack of motivation, low self-discipline, and inability to begin or complete responsibilities. 10. POOR BEHAVIORAL CONTROLS -- expressions of irritability, annoyance, impatience, threats, aggression, and verbal abuse; inadequate control of anger and temper; acting hastily. 11. PROMISCUOUS SEXUAL BEHAVIOR -- a variety of brief, superficial relations, numerous affairs, and an indiscriminate selection of sexual partners; the maintenance of several relationships at the same time; a history of attempts to sexually coerce others into sexual activity or taking great pride at discussing sexual exploits or conquests. 12. LACK OF REALISTIC, LONG-TERM GOALS -- an inability or persistent failure to develop and execute long-term plans and goals; a nomadic existence, aimless, lacking direction in life. 13. IMPULSIVITY -- the occurrence of behaviors that are unpremeditated and lack reflection or planning; inability to resist temptation, frustrations, and urges; a lack of deliberation without considering the consequences; foolhardy, rash, unpredictable, erratic, and reckless. 14. IRRESPONSIBILITY -- repeated failure to fulfill or honor obligations and commitments; such as not paying bills, defaulting on loans, performing sloppy work, being absent or late to work, failing to honor contractual agreements. 15. FAILURE TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR OWN ACTIONS -- a failure to accept responsibility for one's actions reflected in low conscientiousness, an absence of dutifulness, antagonistic manipulation, denial of responsibility, and an effort to manipulate others through this denial. 16. MANY SHORT-TERM RELATIONSHIPS -- a lack of commitment to a long-term relationship reflected in inconsistent, undependable, and unreliable commitments in life, including marital. 17. JUVENILE DELINQUENCY -- behavior problems between the ages of 13-18; mostly behaviors that are crimes or clearly involve aspects of antagonism, exploitation, aggression, manipulation, or a callous, ruthless tough-mindedness. 18. CRIMINAL VERSATILITY -- A diversity of types of criminal offenses (regardless if the person has been arrested or convicted for them); taking great pride at getting away with crimes.

Do any of these personality traits describe someone you've dated or are dating?

If you answered yes, then you may be as surprised as I was to learn that all 18 traits are actually "clinical traits" of a sociopath (Source: Psychopathy Checklist-Revised, PCL-R; Hare,1991, 2003)... and IF you've dated guys with these traits, chances are YOU are attracted to or involved with a SOCIOPATH... yikes!

Now before you freak out too much… I want you to know that you're not alone!

I too was attracted to these kinds of guys (no wonder my relationships always brought me heartache and pain!)…

Turns out there's a BIG difference between a "normal" guy you might date and a sociopath (a sociopath actually has something wrong with their conscience - they either don't have one or it's severely fragmented).

Sociopaths only care about fulfilling their own needs and desires - selfishness and egocentricity to the extreme. Everything and everybody else is mentally twisted around in their minds as objects to be used in fulfilling their own needs and desires.

Not surprisingly, parental failure (usually fatherlessness) is the #1 reason why someone develops a sociopathic personality.

Also interesting are the four distinct types of sociopaths (sound like anyone you've dated?):

1) Commons are characterized by their lack of conscience

2) Alienated are characterized by their inability to love or be loved

3) Aggressives are characterized by a consistent sadistic streak

4) Dyssocials are characterized by an inability to abide by normal rules

I know, I know... I was shocked the first time I read these too.

Okay, now getting back to MY story...

It used to be that when I went out, I'd often find myself attracted to one particular guy (and not necessarily the best looking one in the room) where all we had to do was make eye contact and it was INSTANT SPARKS… almost like some invisible magnetic energy was drawing us to each other…

Every time this happened, I thought what I was feeling was PASSION…or love at first sight... little did I know that I was deeply attracted to sociopathic personality types because of MY OWN dysfunctional psychology.

You see, although I've never really had any trouble meeting attractive, successful, sweet guys… I usually didn't feel attracted to them. I always found myself saying there's "no passion"… or they were too nice or boring.

I now know that my concept of passion was really my addiction to the wrong type of guys…It turns out I was addicted to emotional highs and lows that sociopaths bombarded me with that keep me hooked... in "normal healthy relationships", there tends to be a more steady emotional ride and you don't feel the intensity of the highs and lows you're used to and, therefore, think there's something wrong or missing.

I was amazed to learn that our brains actually become physically addicted to emotional intensity and the more we subject ourselves to roller coaster relationships of hot and cold intensity, the more addicted we get (just like a drug). This happens especially to those of us who grew up with a lot of "dysfunction" in the home.

And, of course, that's why these encounters always led to unfulfilling relationships where I constantly felt anxious, got manipulated and strung along...

I didn't understand why this was happening to me and a friend of mine recommended I go see a therapist, so I did. Well, it didn't take long my therapist to reach a very common conclusion – I had a codependent personality (which apparently explained everything)...

It turns out that because codependents like to live through or for others, have a strong need to "fix" people and tend to seek out relationships where we can play a victim role…

...and because sociopaths are so full of themselves and thrive on controlling and manipulating others, when us codependents and a sociopath get together, it's like nitro and glycerin – BOOM!

Bottom line: I knew if I didn't do something about this immediately, I would continue downward on the destructive spiral that I was already on.

Can you guess what I did?

I actually made a vow not to get involved with anyone until I got myself figured out and it was probably the most difficult part of my healing process (Seriously, you have no idea how codependent you really are until try to not be involved with anyone romantically for a while!)

Now you may be wondering how a nice girl like me developed a codependent personality...

Well, I figured this out too...

It turns out that it's extremely common for children of alcoholics and addicts to be diagnosed as codependent because codependency stems from being abandoned (or abused) as a child and alcoholics and addicts essentially abandon their kids for their addictions.

Although I'm not an alcoholic or drug addict, my father did have a drinking problem and that was the likely source for my codependency issues.

Anyway, I decided to embark on a journey of self discovery with myself as my sole focus. I went to ALANON (the support group for children of addicts), I read dozens of books, took courses, took up yoga, starting eating healthy, went through a twelve step program… and become empowered and confident by focusing on fixing myself instead of trying to fix everyone but myself.

I learned so much about myself and what made me tick, but at the same time, I was feeling lonely and for the first time, I really dreamed of being a great relationship... BUT, I realized that you will NEVER have a normal, healthy relationship unless you re-learn how to date.

Think about it, after a lifetime of being codependent, you date like a codependent. Everything you did was to attract the "wrong guy"… and all the traits you were looking for and thought you were attracted to were traits of the "wrong guy"… and even though you may have achieved control over your codependency, you'll continue to put yourself in the same situation because you approach dating as your old codependent self. It would be like an alchoholic fresh out of AA going into a bar every night for a cup of coffee! Not going to work!

So how do you start from scratch and "learn" to date all over again, only this time, the healthy way?

I eventually found myself feeling ready to try my hand at dating again. Even though I was totally aware of my condition, I was still attracting the jerk/player type! What on earth was I doing wrong? Even with my new self awareness, I couldn't understand why I was back where I started.

I discussed this with my therapist and she identified that indeed I had to throw out a lifetime of experience and behavior to acquire a new healthy mindset towards dating.

At first it was a bit daunting, but then I got excited about the concept of starting all over again. I mean, who wouldn't want a second chance?

Well, after reading numerous dating and self help books including "The Rules", "He's Just Not That Into You", "Why You're Still Single" and "Why Men Love Bitches"... one book in particular really stood out from the rest. It's called "Catch Him and Keep Him" and it's not your typical guide on how to meet guys. This book reveals incredibly valuable and "original" insights into the differences between the way a man's mind and a woman's mind works when it comes to dating and attraction. It was so "eye opening", it changed my entire mindset about how to approach dating and men...

The minute I started reading Christian Carter's book, it was as if this book was written just for me. It completely blew me away! Everything he wrote just made sense. There's just too much to explain here, so I've posted one of his newsletters on my site so you can see for yourself what I mean: read sample newsletter

You have to agree, it's a totally different approach than just relying on your heart and your urges. And the fact that it's written by a guy makes it even that much more "eye opening". It really helped me change my approach to dating, and I'm happy to say, I've met and fallen in love with Michael - a wonderful and beautiful man who treats me really well.

Yes, I still feel sometimes like I don't deserve him. I've shared all of these things with him and he accepts me faults and all. So I want you to know that there really is hope...

Based on my experience, here are the three critical steps you must take to eliminate these "dead ends" from your life :

1) Get Out Of The "Denial" And Out Of Your "Situation" :
It's time to be honest with yourself and admit you are caught in this cycle of destructive behavior. Then you have to make a promise of zero-contact with any romantic involvement until you get yourself straightened out.

2) Seek Expert Help:
There are many resources available to you at little or no cost. Therapy is the best way to go as well as support groups such as Alanon and Codependents Anonymous. It's way too hard to heal without an objective, qualified, and non-judgmental help. Once you feel strong enough to date again, its time to…

3) Change Your Approach:
The definition of insanity is when continue the same approach over and over again expecting a different result. When would NOW be good time to change your approach to relationships and learn how to date the "healthy" way?

Bottom Line: If you want to break the cycle of dating "Mr. Wrong" so you can finally find "Mr. Right", I highly recommend you download this ebook: CatchHimAndKeepHim.com and re-learn your approach to dating just like I did.

Okay, I gotta run... I'm busy writing some more stuff to share on this site soon.

Your friend,

- Kiki

P.S. Feel free to CONTACT ME at kiki@TakeBackYourHeart.com if you have any stories you'd like to share. I promise to write you back personally.

Currently watching : All the Little Animals Release date: By 19 August, 2003

For all my girls that keep finding themselves in the wrong arms...

1:24 AM -
Current mood: ambivalent
Category: ambivalent Romance and Relationships

I found this who knows where but I though it was worth sharing...Lucky for me...I love good guys...too bad for them I'm a maneater! [but since i found my bear i'm a bear snuggler (shhh don't tell i got a rep to protect)]

Kiki Anniston Reveals: "The "Secret Reason" Why Women Are Attracted To Jerks, Players and Just Plain Dangerously Wrong Guys."

An open letter to single women frustrated with dating the wrong guys...

Hey Girlfriend,

Can I ask you something personal?

Be honest...

Have you ever dated the type of guy that left you constantly waiting by the phone with an uneasy sick feeling in the pit of your stomach?

Or a guy who made you feel bad about yourself, but for some reason you couldn't leave him? (Of course, that same guy, at times, also made you feel like you were the only person on this planet - you know, that "hot-cold" type).

And have you ever walked into a club and found yourself so attracted to one particular guy, you felt like you were in a trance and literally couldn't stop making eyes with him?

If you answered yes to any of the above, it may be a sign that you're susceptible to a certain "dangerous personality type" that psychiatrists have a SCARY sounding name for, which I'll tell you about in a sec...

...But first, I want you to quickly read through the following list of personality traits and jot down the ones that apply to either the guy you're dating now or guys you've typically dated in the past:

PERSONALITY TRAITS: 1. SUPERFICIAL CHARM -- the tendency to be smooth, engaging, charming, and slick. Not in the least shy, self-conscious, or afraid to say anything. He never gets tongue-tied and has freed himself from the social conventions about taking turns in talking, for example. 2. GRANDIOSE SELF-WORTH -- a grossly inflated view of one's abilities and self-worth, self-assured, opinionated, cocky, a braggart. An arrogant guy who believes he is a superior human being. 3. NEED FOR STIMULATION (PRONENESS TO BOREDOM) -- an excessive need for novel, thrilling, and exciting stimulation; taking chances and doing things that are risky. Often has low self-discipline in carrying tasks through to completion because he gets bored easily. 4. PATHOLOGICAL LYING -- can be moderate or high; in moderate form, and will be shrewd, crafty, cunning, sly, and clever (in extreme form, he will be deceptive, deceitful, underhanded, unscrupulous, manipulative, and dishonest). 5. CONNING AND MANIPULATIVENESS -- the use of deceit and deception to cheat, con, or defraud others for personal gain; distinguished from Item #4 in the degree to which exploitation and callous ruthlessness is present, as reflected in a lack of concern for the feelings and suffering of one's victims. 6. LACK OF REMORSE OR GUILT -- a lack of feelings or concern for the losses, pain, and suffering of victims; a tendency to be unconcerned, dispassionate, coldhearted, and unempathic. This item is usually demonstrated by a disdain for one's victims. 7. SHALLOW AFFECT -- emotional poverty or a limited range or depth of feelings; interpersonal coldness in spite of signs of open gregariousness. 8. CALLOUSNESS and LACK OF EMPATHY -- a lack of feelings toward people in general; cold, contemptuous, inconsiderate, and tactless. 9. PARASITIC LIFESTYLE -- an intentional, manipulative, selfish, and exploitative financial dependence on others as reflected in a lack of motivation, low self-discipline, and inability to begin or complete responsibilities. 10. POOR BEHAVIORAL CONTROLS -- expressions of irritability, annoyance, impatience, threats, aggression, and verbal abuse; inadequate control of anger and temper; acting hastily. 11. PROMISCUOUS SEXUAL BEHAVIOR -- a variety of brief, superficial relations, numerous affairs, and an indiscriminate selection of sexual partners; the maintenance of several relationships at the same time; a history of attempts to sexually coerce others into sexual activity or taking great pride at discussing sexual exploits or conquests. 12. LACK OF REALISTIC, LONG-TERM GOALS -- an inability or persistent failure to develop and execute long-term plans and goals; a nomadic existence, aimless, lacking direction in life. 13. IMPULSIVITY -- the occurrence of behaviors that are unpremeditated and lack reflection or planning; inability to resist temptation, frustrations, and urges; a lack of deliberation without considering the consequences; foolhardy, rash, unpredictable, erratic, and reckless. 14. IRRESPONSIBILITY -- repeated failure to fulfill or honor obligations and commitments; such as not paying bills, defaulting on loans, performing sloppy work, being absent or late to work, failing to honor contractual agreements. 15. FAILURE TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR OWN ACTIONS -- a failure to accept responsibility for one's actions reflected in low conscientiousness, an absence of dutifulness, antagonistic manipulation, denial of responsibility, and an effort to manipulate others through this denial. 16. MANY SHORT-TERM RELATIONSHIPS -- a lack of commitment to a long-term relationship reflected in inconsistent, undependable, and unreliable commitments in life, including marital. 17. JUVENILE DELINQUENCY -- behavior problems between the ages of 13-18; mostly behaviors that are crimes or clearly involve aspects of antagonism, exploitation, aggression, manipulation, or a callous, ruthless tough-mindedness. 18. CRIMINAL VERSATILITY -- A diversity of types of criminal offenses (regardless if the person has been arrested or convicted for them); taking great pride at getting away with crimes.

Do any of these personality traits describe someone you've dated or are dating?

If you answered yes, then you may be as surprised as I was to learn that all 18 traits are actually "clinical traits" of a sociopath (Source: Psychopathy Checklist-Revised, PCL-R; Hare,1991, 2003)... and IF you've dated guys with these traits, chances are YOU are attracted to or involved with a SOCIOPATH... yikes!

Now before you freak out too much… I want you to know that you're not alone!

I too was attracted to these kinds of guys (no wonder my relationships always brought me heartache and pain!)…

Turns out there's a BIG difference between a "normal" guy you might date and a sociopath (a sociopath actually has something wrong with their conscience - they either don't have one or it's severely fragmented).

Sociopaths only care about fulfilling their own needs and desires - selfishness and egocentricity to the extreme. Everything and everybody else is mentally twisted around in their minds as objects to be used in fulfilling their own needs and desires.

Not surprisingly, parental failure (usually fatherlessness) is the #1 reason why someone develops a sociopathic personality.

Also interesting are the four distinct types of sociopaths (sound like anyone you've dated?):

1) Commons are characterized by their lack of conscience

2) Alienated are characterized by their inability to love or be loved

3) Aggressives are characterized by a consistent sadistic streak

4) Dyssocials are characterized by an inability to abide by normal rules

I know, I know... I was shocked the first time I read these too.

Okay, now getting back to MY story...

It used to be that when I went out, I'd often find myself attracted to one particular guy (and not necessarily the best looking one in the room) where all we had to do was make eye contact and it was INSTANT SPARKS… almost like some invisible magnetic energy was drawing us to each other…

Every time this happened, I thought what I was feeling was PASSION…or love at first sight... little did I know that I was deeply attracted to sociopathic personality types because of MY OWN dysfunctional psychology.

You see, although I've never really had any trouble meeting attractive, successful, sweet guys… I usually didn't feel attracted to them. I always found myself saying there's "no passion"… or they were too nice or boring.

I now know that my concept of passion was really my addiction to the wrong type of guys…It turns out I was addicted to emotional highs and lows that sociopaths bombarded me with that keep me hooked... in "normal healthy relationships", there tends to be a more steady emotional ride and you don't feel the intensity of the highs and lows you're used to and, therefore, think there's something wrong or missing.

I was amazed to learn that our brains actually become physically addicted to emotional intensity and the more we subject ourselves to roller coaster relationships of hot and cold intensity, the more addicted we get (just like a drug). This happens especially to those of us who grew up with a lot of "dysfunction" in the home.

And, of course, that's why these encounters always led to unfulfilling relationships where I constantly felt anxious, got manipulated and strung along...

I didn't understand why this was happening to me and a friend of mine recommended I go see a therapist, so I did. Well, it didn't take long my therapist to reach a very common conclusion – I had a codependent personality (which apparently explained everything)...

It turns out that because codependents like to live through or for others, have a strong need to "fix" people and tend to seek out relationships where we can play a victim role…

...and because sociopaths are so full of themselves and thrive on controlling and manipulating others, when us codependents and a sociopath get together, it's like nitro and glycerin – BOOM!

Bottom line: I knew if I didn't do something about this immediately, I would continue downward on the destructive spiral that I was already on.

Can you guess what I did?

I actually made a vow not to get involved with anyone until I got myself figured out and it was probably the most difficult part of my healing process (Seriously, you have no idea how codependent you really are until try to not be involved with anyone romantically for a while!)

Now you may be wondering how a nice girl like me developed a codependent personality...

Well, I figured this out too...

It turns out that it's extremely common for children of alcoholics and addicts to be diagnosed as codependent because codependency stems from being abandoned (or abused) as a child and alcoholics and addicts essentially abandon their kids for their addictions.

Although I'm not an alcoholic or drug addict, my father did have a drinking problem and that was the likely source for my codependency issues.

Anyway, I decided to embark on a journey of self discovery with myself as my sole focus. I went to ALANON (the support group for children of addicts), I read dozens of books, took courses, took up yoga, starting eating healthy, went through a twelve step program… and become empowered and confident by focusing on fixing myself instead of trying to fix everyone but myself.

I learned so much about myself and what made me tick, but at the same time, I was feeling lonely and for the first time, I really dreamed of being a great relationship... BUT, I realized that you will NEVER have a normal, healthy relationship unless you re-learn how to date.

Think about it, after a lifetime of being codependent, you date like a codependent. Everything you did was to attract the "wrong guy"… and all the traits you were looking for and thought you were attracted to were traits of the "wrong guy"… and even though you may have achieved control over your codependency, you'll continue to put yourself in the same situation because you approach dating as your old codependent self. It would be like an alchoholic fresh out of AA going into a bar every night for a cup of coffee! Not going to work!

So how do you start from scratch and "learn" to date all over again, only this time, the healthy way?

I eventually found myself feeling ready to try my hand at dating again. Even though I was totally aware of my condition, I was still attracting the jerk/player type! What on earth was I doing wrong? Even with my new self awareness, I couldn't understand why I was back where I started.

I discussed this with my therapist and she identified that indeed I had to throw out a lifetime of experience and behavior to acquire a new healthy mindset towards dating.

At first it was a bit daunting, but then I got excited about the concept of starting all over again. I mean, who wouldn't want a second chance?

Well, after reading numerous dating and self help books including "The Rules", "He's Just Not That Into You", "Why You're Still Single" and "Why Men Love Bitches"... one book in particular really stood out from the rest. It's called "Catch Him and Keep Him" and it's not your typical guide on how to meet guys. This book reveals incredibly valuable and "original" insights into the differences between the way a man's mind and a woman's mind works when it comes to dating and attraction. It was so "eye opening", it changed my entire mindset about how to approach dating and men...

The minute I started reading Christian Carter's book, it was as if this book was written just for me. It completely blew me away! Everything he wrote just made sense. There's just too much to explain here, so I've posted one of his newsletters on my site so you can see for yourself what I mean: read sample newsletter

You have to agree, it's a totally different approach than just relying on your heart and your urges. And the fact that it's written by a guy makes it even that much more "eye opening". It really helped me change my approach to dating, and I'm happy to say, I've met and fallen in love with Michael - a wonderful and beautiful man who treats me really well.

Yes, I still feel sometimes like I don't deserve him. I've shared all of these things with him and he accepts me faults and all. So I want you to know that there really is hope...

Based on my experience, here are the three critical steps you must take to eliminate these "dead ends" from your life :

1) Get Out Of The "Denial" And Out Of Your "Situation" :
It's time to be honest with yourself and admit you are caught in this cycle of destructive behavior. Then you have to make a promise of zero-contact with any romantic involvement until you get yourself straightened out.

2) Seek Expert Help:
There are many resources available to you at little or no cost. Therapy is the best way to go as well as support groups such as Alanon and Codependents Anonymous. It's way too hard to heal without an objective, qualified, and non-judgmental help. Once you feel strong enough to date again, its time to…

3) Change Your Approach:
The definition of insanity is when continue the same approach over and over again expecting a different result. When would NOW be good time to change your approach to relationships and learn how to date the "healthy" way?

Bottom Line: If you want to break the cycle of dating "Mr. Wrong" so you can finally find "Mr. Right", I highly recommend you download this ebook: CatchHimAndKeepHim.com and re-learn your approach to dating just like I did.

Okay, I gotta run... I'm busy writing some more stuff to share on this site soon.

Your friend,

- Kiki

P.S. Feel free to CONTACT ME at kiki@TakeBackYourHeart.com if you have any stories you'd like to share. I promise to write you back personally.

Currently watching : All the Little Animals Release date: By 19 August, 2003

Tips for the Corpie World

How do I answer these interview questions?

I am a Administrative Assistant and I am a real good one at that!! But when it comes to answering the questions below on an interview I freeze!! Help!

1)What is your strongest natural talent?



2)What is the biggest impact you will make in our organization in the 1st 90 days?

I'm an admin assist as well...i have no college education inconsistent employment record....lots of big gaps short employment here and there in many different industries. They see all this on my resume, they also how skilled I am. The reason I'm telling you this is that from my resume I'm not a desirable employee for today's corporate market b/c they favor loyalty above ability, yet I have received offers from every single interview I've ever been on. I'm giving you great advice I hope you follow it. That's not something I would normally say but I'm empathetic to you're situation and I want you to make you're life better. Also, as a sup for an airline we would all interview the candidate at the same time and then discuss after so I also have some insight on that end.

First people pay more attention to your mannerisms than you're words. If you're freezing up and you're not confident you may be doing something sub-consciously. But even if you freeze you can easily recover. I freeze up and stutter all the time. You have to be honest, you can't just give some answer that you think is what they want to hear. You have to be confident. You said you are a real good admin assist ask yourself what makes you a good admin. You need to know what your strengths and weaknesses are and be honest with yourself because the truths will reveal themselves eventually. Since you didn't give us any info on how you are answering the questions I'm wondering if you may be having trouble identifying these aspects in yourself or often I find people are not aware of what types of talents make a good admin assist b/c its become such a generalized title that is often used instead of clerk. So think about all of your previous experiences and what types of contributions you made, ideas that you had and were implemented. Its not enough to just do what you're told. Analyzing all these aspects about yourself in you work environment and perhaps in school or home environments can help you to recognize what you're talents are. Then that talent is your strongest skill and you apply that to how you would make an impact. For me, I always try to make procedures more efficient, I like to organize so its easy for me to set up systems. From that I can see I have a natural talent for problem solving. Then apply those skills to how I can impact their organization. How could I apply them to make it the business better. I tend to always say something about evaluating the current procedures in order to be more efficient.

As weird as it may sound the best thing to help you get over the freezing is if you practice the interview all the time to yourself. Its important that when you practice to not use the same exact answer every time. The more you say the words to yourself the easier it will be to have answers when you get lost. Not every interviewer is going to ask you the same questions, but they are all somewhat similar in what they are trying to learn about you.

You can make mistakes, mix up words as long as you recover from those moments. Be yourself and confident in yourself.

OurStory

History buffs: What are your favorite topics in history?

Up until recently I never considered myself a history buff. The only two topics that peaked my interest were Hitler and the Donner Party. Strangely enough ever since I've been out of school most of my free time is filled with all things historic. Here are some of the topics that peak my interest above all else: Egyptology but I really love the history of Akhenaten, Benjamin Franklin, Aaron Burr, Mayan and Incan Empires..actually it all interests me equally...the epic story of life on this planet is quite enigmatic and I just can't seem to put the book down.

Peer Pressure

6:04 PM - Peer Pressure
Current mood: ambivalent
Category: ambivalent Life

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lucky_3-l... Clover Member since: February 01, 2007 Total points: 92 (Level 1) Points earned this week: 1 0%Best answer 1 answers	Peer PreSSure!!!!! Help!!!? .... A close friend of mine is really "kikay/girly" and al of my class mates don't like her. What will I do??? Stick with her even if all of my classmates would hate me or go with the crowd and loose her friendship??... it Sounds Easy But in REality it's very HArd.. 5 days ago .. Feb 2, 2007 at 2:08 am --> - 8 answers - Report Abuse
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..Name :--> somgrl8 Member since: July 06, 2006 Total points: 370 (Level 2) Points earned this week: --%Best answer	Best Answer - Chosen by Asker I have been in that very situation several times; in elementary school, elementary, jr. high, high school and in adulthood. All except one time I chose the one friend that no one liked. Almost always did they all end up being friends...unfortunately, they always turned against me...and though it hurt...and still does...I have no regrets (except for the time I abandoned the lonely friend) because I did the right thing. I can be proud of what kind of person I was and that feeling is everlasting. When I dissed the friend for the crowd I regret it to this day, that feeling is everlasting too. What if you were the "odd" one and someone else was asking this question about you? As long as you choose to be part of society you will be plagued with the dilemmas of peer pressure. What you need to ask yourself is what kind of person do you want to become. Do you want to live a life in the shadow of what "others" may think of you? Here is some to think about. "You" have to be with "you" all the time. "You" can only be sure of what "you" think or feel. If "you" are not "you" then how will you ever know if anyone likes "you" or they just like that "you" do what ever they want. I've always been myself and no one else and its served me well. I always try to defend the victims of peer pressure and in the end deep down inside those pressuring others are just as lost as you are. People feed on hate, fear and misery it makes them feel superior. But no one is. If you want to be friends with this person be friends with them. If the crowd dis likes you then were they really your friend? I know its hard so just be nice to everyone, be yourself and build yourself up without it being at the expense of someone else. 0 Asker's Rating: ThaNKs A loT to All Of you Who Answered!!! you heLPed me alot!!!

Currently reading : Buddha By Karen Armstrong Release date: By 28 September, 2004