Wednesday, August 03, 2005

I am

Who am I? I am 24 years old and I now I have found myself…no it would be truer to say I finally see myself.

A man falls into a hole and doctor passes by.
The man yells “I have fallen into this hole. Please help me get out!”
The doctor writes a prescription and throws it into the hole and continues on.
Then a priest comes upon the hole and again the man pleads.
“I have fallen in this hole. Please help me to get out!”
The priest writes a prayer throws it down to him and continues on.
A friend happens upon the hole.
The man in desperation speaks “Friend, I have fallen in this hole. Please I need your help!”
The friend jumps down into the hole.
The man looks to his friend, “You idiot now we’re both stuck down here!”
To which his friend replies, “Yes I know, but I have been here before and I know the way out.”

This is who I am. I have tried many things in life in search of what it is that fulfills me. I cannot be a doctor, nor a priest. I have been with great failure and with great success. But the only thing that has given me great peace is when I am a friend. It is who I have always been and will always be. I have spent much time trying to fight it but I always lose. I do not know how to live my life just for me. That is why I have been the girl I have been my entire existence. So I fear if my words have been mistaken as being of self evolved that I am sorry for that is not what I intended. I was alone a great deal as a child with out many to share my journey and so I always said to myself “on the other side of the earth there is someone else going through the exact same thing that I am going through and they will be fine and so must I”. It seems to me that the greatest human fear is to be alone. It is why we seek partners, friends and god. To know that someone is there. That someone believes in us. I believe in everything and everyone. My greatest fear is that no one will ever see that. That they will never know that I will always be here for you, always believe in you and always have faith in you. I will never judge you, or think ill of you or think you are not important. Knowing that, I ask one question.

I have found meaning in your words,
will you find meaning in mine.

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